Always
by Riku of Darkness
Summary: I can't leave him. I can't stay with him. Both cause him pain. Both risk his life. What can I do? Why must he be so foolish?


**Written:** Last Summer  
**Finished Typing:** Just now  
**Current state of mind:** What was I on when I wrote this?  
**Inspiration:** The Queen's Knight, vol.3, when Rieno tells Yuna she must leave him.  
**Title:** Once again, I remind you that my titling skillz suck  
**Dedication:** To my fluffy reviewers.

**_-_**

_Stuck between hell and torture. I can't leave him...I can't stay with him... Both decisions will cause him pain and most likely, his life. So tell me, what am I supposed to do? Why must he be so foolish?_

* * *

_**Always…** _

* * *

_Oh…merciful God…not-- _

_I'm afraid so… _

_We have to--_

_Is he going to survive?_

_Doubtful…._

_Don't say--_

_How many?_

_They wouldn't stop--_

_He fought--_

_Too long…fought too--_

_Thousands!_

_So much blood_

_The cuts are too deep!_

_Shut up and help him!_

_Rinse with Elixir! Now!_

_There's too much--_

_Put some pressure down!_

_Slashed everywhere…_

_We're losing--_

_We won't!_

_Why does he insist--_

_He cares--_

_Enough to die!_

_Apparently--_

_Stupid--_

_Elixir!_

_He's slipping!_

_The **hell** he is!_

_Let him die…_

_Spare his suffering…_

_Nothing doing!_

_This will just--_

_Then let it happen_

_Keep working!_

_**-N-No… This…this has to stop…-**_

X

The icy wind appeared again, biting at anything that dared reside in its unruly path. The harsh cold did nothing to mask an invisible factor though; a factor that only registered to those who knew its pretenses. Her grimly solemned face darkened with disgust as the accursed wind wrapped around her; taunting, mocking her tearful pleas and thoughts to stop **_his_** suffering.

Death…no…not death…just its prerequisite… The bitter, coppery scent of spilt crimson life… Though faint, the harsh knowledge was enough… It brought icy trickles to her faltering heart and tempted the intensities of madness…

'_Close the window… No, I need it open… It's too much… I don't deserve comfort… Please, shut it… No, I won't… It's sickening… It should be worse…_' She forced her weight onto her hands, refusing to concede and shut out the tainted wind. The cold ledge numbingly pierced her hands as she pressed them down harder, the window's border enjoying its inclusion in tormenting the shattered girl. Sadly though, she welcomed it. Rather than take her mind off the night's latest victim, it taunted her with the image of the slashed warrior who challenged **_them_** to protect her… And as much pain as the scene caused--

_**--It re-enforced her shaking confidence on what she had to do tonight…**_

'_I won't let this continue… I won't let him--Shit! Stop it!_' Her cheeks throbbed savagely as the acidic burn of destructive emotion repossessed her heart. Her eyes began to sting painfully, the flames of sorrow and regret tearing at her again.

'_No... No! Stop it! I can't start crying! Stop! How can I possibly hope to hold together if--_' Ivory teeth sunk deftly into her quivering lower lip, penetrating the skin with hardly a shred of effort. The ruinous action sent a shockwave of anguish throughout her shaking entity and halting her emotion dead. She knew it wouldn't last long, but she figured it should be enough.

Her breaths grew focused as thin trails of bitter crimson trickle down her flesh; some plummet, some stain her neck, but both passionately silence that burning within her eyes. She let the viscous liquid reside on her revulsed skin for several minutes, almost pleading to have herself suffer for what she had repeatedly caused. Her blood felt so, ironically, cold upon her skin, causing savage stabs to slash at her heart. Her arms were shaking so harshly now; she threw whatever weight she could onto her wrists in order to remind upright.

Her hair slipped from her shoulders and hung sorrowfully by her cheeks; the crimson-tipped strands brushing against her face softly. As though the threads sought to give her some kind of comfort, they brokenly stayed close, but their efforts were in bitter vain. They couldn't help her...

'_It's...so cold...so...icy... I thought a 'heartless' having frozen blood was just violent description... It hurts... I hate this so much..._' Releasing another anguished breath of frustration; she hatefully struck the frigid tendrils trails from hr chin and throat.

'_I can't die now or the door will be forever open and **everyone** will perish!_' Rougher, harsher, her glove threatening to tear the skin she was desperately trying to "cleanse".

'_But the shadows won't stop until I'm dead and they'll kill anything...no...**anyone** in their path to make that certain!_' Her lip throbbed tearfully for mercy as her hand attacked it most viciously of all.

'_It's taking too long! I should have been sealed months ago... Damn! I don't want anyone else to get hurt!_' Thoroughly disgusted with her failure of an entity, she slammed her wrist down on the numbing ledge once more and screamed sorrowfully at her heart to stop calling up its emotions; she couldn't fight them off and still sound convinced... and she knew she couldn't lose the latter...

"Get out..." Her voice was not one she expected, but was one she inwardly thanked. Iced, angry, stained of hatred and contempt, her voice was almost like a silent killer as it left her lips coolly. She kept her shaking at a tolerable state, forcing her weight onto her wrists to the point where they, too, pleaded for her mercy.

But despite the effectiveness of her voice, it was defiantly mocked by the gentle tap of the door shutting behind the target of those icy notes; the message was either missed, or, obviously, ignored. She knew he was there; every sense, save sight, imaged him directly behind her. The haunting wind blew again, her body cringing violently as irony bit tempestuously at her heart. Her numbing hands clenched furiously, her entity trying to stave off an emotional breakdown.

"Leave! I don't want you here!" Everything within her screamed 'liar' and 'deceit' and she cursed at her heart for trying to manipulate her voice to make her words carry those traitorous expressions. She knew she was shaking, but she couldn't make it stop. She prayed it looked like rage, not emotional instability.

Again, the statement was negated as the solemn entity not only refused to vacate the premises, but steps forward, towards the faltering girl.

Her biting, silent insults flew at him now, a crying hate welling in her chest because of his 'persistence'. She knew it was a miracle he was still walking...breathing and she didn't want that to be in vain. She couldn't bear to lose him because of this affliction on her existence. She cared about him too much...

_**...Enough to make him leave... forever...**_

"Why aren't you listening? I don't want to be anywhere near you. Get out now!" Her prickling arms were beginning to burn as she drove her palms and wrists into the window's ledge.

'_Stop shaking...stop...stop... Why won't he leave... Why won't he just go away? I hate this... I hate my life..._' Her cheeks exploded with pain, demanding tears pressed against the reverse side of her flesh, like a fascinated child would a window. Many shoved their way to her tightly shut eyes, slamming against her failing barrier, demanding freedom. She shook harder, pleading with her heart to stop being so weak, to try and work with her for once.

He stopped behind her, pained by her continually vicious emotion. He could almost hear her desperate pleas with her heart, her savage shaking growing quite worrisome. Gently, a gloved, though freshly bandaged hand rose from its position at the owner's side. It moved through the tensed atmosphere without a shred of hesitation and fell on her trembling shoulder.

"What the hell is the matter with you? Get out!" She felt a mixed jerk yank at her heart as his hand touched her; one joy, one sorrow. She whipped around almost instantaneously after his action, knocking his hand off hurtfully. Her anguished eyes snapped open as she spun, a hybrid of anger and agony flaming within the, but as those suffering ocean spheres fell on the one they sought to be rid of. They instantly regretted doing so. A piercing gasp tore its way from her lungs at the merciless bruising his pale flesh now bore—the flesh that wasn't already covered by extensive bandaging and clothes. Refusing to let the haunting image sink into her mind, she threw her gaze sideways and attempted to move away from the wounded youth. "Get out!"

Though he knew she really had nowhere to back away to, the wall and window directly behind her, his same hand returned and firmly closed around her wrist. Her name tumbled from his lips; confident, yet agonized.

"No! Let go of me! I want you to leave! Get out! Get out!" Her arm came up instinctively to try and get free, but it was as effective as a fighting leaf in a gale, his passionate grip running off more than sheer concern. He fought back, shots of pain tearing through his body from opposing her violent struggles to get free. Every cut and bruise wept for mercy, for him to take pity on them and not do anything to further flare the injuries. But he brushed it off, his physical pain a mere pinprick to her emotional anguish. Tenaciously gripping her wrist, he slowly, gently tried to pull her closer.

"Stop it! Take your hand off me! Let…GO!" She hadn't intended to commit her next act, never imagined doing so under _any_ circumstances, so when her heart lost control, the result nearly shattered what little she had left. As he had compassionately attempted to hold her, hug her, her free hand shot up and struck him across the face.

A deafening smack, despite her gloves, echoed savagely about the room as his concerned face whipped to the side. His silvered strands had furiously flown up, but settled sadly when his motion had grown still. Those on the targeted side almost seemed to _cling_ to his cheek.

She froze; an anguished gasp burst from her heart, splashing over her shocked lips in bitter realization. Her agonized viridian eyes vision shook harder as she was forced to acknowledge that she had really done what she thought she had. Her violent attempts to suppress her emotion were immediately revoked and slicing tears tore at her paled cheeks. Each side almost appeared to be competing with the other to see who could fall faster…or hurt more.

The reverberations of her action shot through her hand with a malice unknown. The pain it felt when it made contact with his undeserving cheek echoed malevolently through every fiber, making the weapon tremble and quake. But she soon came to realize something else…something much more destructive.

'_N-No… Please…please stop hurting…_' The air seemed to empty out of her lungs as her eyes paused her acidic emotion for a brief moment as grim reality set in.

'_M-My hand… It—it feels wet—and---and--_' Shots ripped through her midsection at the very indication of her numbing thought. '_W—Warm…N—No…No!_'

Her blurred teal vision could hardly focus on the trembling appendage as it achingly brought itself to her sight line. She forced the urge to lose herself as she saw that her black glove managed to grow darker, a deep and chillingly murky splash of irreversible regret.

"R—Riku…" He reacted to his name, knowing he couldn't hide it from her forever. His struck cheek was throbbing tempestuously, the dull beat of his heart pounding out its pain throughout his skull Its ante was matched, however, by the slicing encore of an injury sustained not five hours back. The accursed feeling of viscous, crimson tears again graced his being. Saddened aquamarine fell upon the countenance that he had come to love and shivered with regret from the sense of bitter self-hatred that glazed it.

She wanted to die; everyone else be damned and that door be burned in the fiery pits of hell, she wanted to take a blade to that tainted heart of hers. Though unintentional, she couldn't deny what she had done—ever, nor would she be able to forget.

He had obtained the scar during the Heartless attack, a particularly violent Neoshadow sinking its malicious claws into his ivory flesh and raking them across his cheek. The wounds were frighteningly deep, just narrowly above striking bone.

She hadn't registered the injury upon her first glance and was now faced with it seeming as fresh as it was it first came to exist. It had only lightly healed before he entered, but it seemed her harsh strike was enough to convince it to give another performance.

The trails of crimson slowly slipped over his chin and delicately traced its way to and down his neck. The silvery moonlight gleamed off those thin paths, pronouncing them on his pale skin. The light fell over his face like a gentle blanket, illuminating his aquamarine eyes as well. They remained as solemn as ever, despite the flicker of sadness they felt for her. His lips separated and softly whispered her name, savouring the breath that it fell on.

In all reality, it was this that caused her dark heart to break. Her existence nearly killed him, she insulted him, yelled at him and even struck him… And still, he cared for her—maybe more so than each occurrence before. And that was what frightened her the most—_He won't leave…**not ever…**_

"No—Stop! Let go of me! You're just going to keep getting hurt! Please, stop it!" But he wouldn't let go, his grasp tightening. Reinstating his prior effort, his arm eased her forward, gently dragging her towards him. His other hand managed to take hold of her respective upper arm, gripping just below her shoulder once she was close enough to do so.

"Riku…stop!" Her struggles increased when his other arm joined the fray, her heart realizing she was losing the fight. But as she was forced closer to the unrelenting teenager, another painful discovery struck her chest. Even before she had reawakened the violent scar on his cheek, the prospect of his other injuries being ruinously fresh completely bypassed her thoughts. However, as she was pulled closer, she noticed, though he tried to hide it, that his tattered body was jerking brutally, worsening with each second. Worsening, _as her struggles increased_.

'_Damn him…Damn him! The harder I fight—Damn it! I can't be close to him or push him away without subjecting him to hell—What am I supposed to do? Damn him!_' She was completely torn; his flinches were getting worse even though her efforts were breaking from indecision. She could feel his pain ripple into her flesh, shooting into her veins and diving straight to her heart.

'_I keep hurting him… I keep—I keep…_' She wanted to place her hands on his chest and shove him into the door. She wanted to hit him again, punch him, do anything it took to make him let go. Despite her regrets, she wanted to make him stop, make him go away; even hurt him again to make him realize his stupidity.

She wanted his eyes to stop staring at her with such sorrow and affection, wanted his lips to never speak her name, ached for his heart to just leave her alone. She wanted his hands to cease from touching her, wanted his arms to refrain from holding her, wanted the feeling of his breath on her skin before his lips touched hers to never again be felt on her emotional cheeks.

**_…Even hurt him again to make him realize…_**

But she couldn't… As those shots of pain ripped through his body, she gave up fighting, unable to resist against his efforts anymore. She tried so hard to pull away from him, but his grip barely flickered and she collapsed against his chest.

Both of his hands were holding her beneath the shoulders now and squeezing them gently. Her arms were against his chest, lying upon the line where his torso and biceps met. The upper part of her forehead was on his sternum; despite how close she was to him, she kept her face directed to the floor. A few drops of crystalline emotion managed to graze his shirt, but she forced herself into an angle where they would fall straight to the ground. She didn't want her tainted tears to touch him—afraid to stain him further.

"W-Why… Why do you do th-this? Why wo-won't you j-just go away? Wh-Why?" Her entire body was shaking, her chest the hardest of all; it was almost a miracle she didn't collapse. Even her words quavered, her persistent emotion seeming to drown her voice in the numerous drops. She longed for it to stop, pleaded with her heart to have mercy on her. She was just trying to help him, attempting to cease the pain that she kept causing…so why was her heart making her suffer like this?

"_Why_ do _you_ keep asking such stupid questions? I know you are perfectly aware of the answers…" After a few tense moments, he delicately pushed her away, holding her out at arm's length. She still shook, her tears continuing to pound down her cheeks. Her ocean eyes were shut tightly again, hoping to deter those drops, but with no avail. She still faced the uncaring floor.

"You're such an idiot." He tilted his head slightly, ignoring the protests of pain shooting through his spine. The movement was almost ironic, as though he were dodging the words without fear or concern. He stared longingly at her, aching to steal her pain away.

Another moment's pause passed before his soft lips defied her will and whispered her title again. His left hand released her arm and his gloved fingers gravitated towards her fallen chin. He didn't cup her chin, his palm resting just beneath the tear-soaked flesh. His fingertips softly brushed against her skin and her head slowly began to rise; his hand almost seemed to be pushing it, since it rose with her chin, but he never physically touched her with his palm. Like she was completely at his mercy…his heart's mercy.

"So what now? What are you going to do?" Her tears still fell, tarnishing her skin as they slipped over her cheeks and occasionally, her neck as well. Her head was tilted higher than level now, her closed eyes gazing sadly at his affectionate visage.

Her chest shuddered painfully, her heart now sobbing as well. She could "feel" his hand just below her chin, forcing her to face him. Fear soon placed its bet, her anxiety for things to come beginning to shove away those that had passed.

"They won't stop; they'll come again. They will…they'll kill you. They'll extinguish your life without the slightest shred of doubt, like a hated candle…" He moved closer, longing to cease the deepening gap between them. His right hand let go now and rose to her scattered hair. Delicately, his fingers began to stroke the strewn strands.

"They'll kill you… They—They almost succeeded tonight… What will you do, Riku? They'll never stop…" She reacted to his affectionate action, her dark ocean gaze finally connecting with his passionate aquamarines. Still blurred with emotion, her vision was extremely unbalanced. But she could see his eyes…only his eyes.

"I'll fight. I will always fight. I won't let them take you. I love you so much…" A slicing jolt tore through her heart at his tender words. It confirmed her worse fears, her constant regrets… He would die for her. Her drowning vision fell to his slashed cheek.

"No! I won't let you! You're not going to just throw your life away like that! I can't--" Her eyes slammed shut again and she tried viciously to rip herself from his grasp, but he had come to far to just let her push him away.

Her words were silenced swiftly as he pulled her into an embrace that emphasized how deeply he cared for her. His left hand finally took her chin and pulled her tear-stroked face to his as the right fell from her hair to press against her back. He had moved too fast for her to put up any real resistance and her pathetic attempts got her nowhere whilst under his control.

Her body gently slumped beneath his intense embrace, her cut lip beginning to tremble against the soft one that held it. He pressed harder to cease its shaking, his tongue lightly brushing over where she had bit it so deeply. The heartfelt action brought a new set of tears to the game as another emotional realization struck.

…_I want to take away your pain…_

She could feel the warmth emanating from his cheek, the damned essence of blood chilling her own more than it already felt.

'_But how can you succeed in stealing mine when you can't even stop your own?_' As though his solemn heart had heard her, he reluctantly pulled away and dragged her against him, into a protective hug. His arms wrapped around her back and brought her heart to his, the two objects speaking to each other in a way the owners could not.

"Your cheek…"

"I'll get it later."

"…I hate you so much."

"I know… I know…"


End file.
